If there’s one thing I’ve learned over the last five years of my journey its that the struggles vegans and vegetarians face are for the most part universal. That said, I think there is a case to be made that Arab and Middle Eastern cultures are not exactly the most accepting when it comes to vegan diets.
As of late I’ve received countless messages and e-mails asking me how I deal with my family and culture when it comes to my diet and lifestyle. It seems that so many people are worried about the potential negative backlash they may receive from their family, friends or community should they choose to take the plunge and transition to a vegan lifestyle. Now, I won’t lie, it hasn’t always been easy for me. With time however, through trial and error, patience and a lot of vegan baked goods (more on that later) I’ve managed to maintain strong relationships with my loved ones while still staying true to my vegan ideals.
So without further ado, I present to you my top 5 tips and on dealing with family (or friends and acquaintances) as a Middle Eastern vegan*:
*Although I’m referencing Middle Eastern culture specifically (because it’s what I know and can shed light on through personal experience) it’s worth noting that these tips would come in handy to most people transitioning into a vegan diet. Those from a culture where a large emphasis is placed on food and mealtimes as a means for family gathering may also find that a lot of the below resonates with them too.
1. Don’t put a label on it…yet.
Now, I’m not suggesting that you lie or try to hide your efforts to go vegan – but you may want to hold off on announcing your veganism to anyone who will listen and sporting your “Meat is Murder” t-shirt to Friday lunch just yet. The reason I say this is that labels can often sound extreme, intimidating and often prompt cause for concern, especially where traditional parents are involved.
Think of your family’s acceptance of your lifestyle choice as a journey – the same way it may have taken you time to come around to the idea of going veg, they too will need time to adjust, and a little hand-holding can go a long way. You can start small, for example by opting out when your mother offers to serve you a piece of chicken at the dinner table. “I don’t feel like eating it today” or “I’ll have the okra instead” are perfectly normal sounding answers that won’t raise any alarm bells all the while subtly setting the stage for eventuality that you will no longer be consuming animal products.
2. Educate yourself, and others
If you’re from a Middle Eastern culture you’ll know that privacy is a concept lost on most families, and that contrary to what you might think, your business is in fact everyone’s business. Arabs are about as nosy as they come, and not only will they impose that nature under the guise of thinly veiled concern, they will also take it upon themselves to ask you every stupid question under the sun, upon finding out that you are vegan or vegetarian. Long story short? You gotta be prepared. It helps to have a few statistics on hand and make sure you can confidently ask the generic questions (“where do you get your protein from?” “Oh but you eat fish, right?” “But God gave us meat, why would you refuse a blessing?”).
Educating others, particularly your loved ones, can also be a very powerful tool, when done right. Instead of shoving your vegan agenda down everyone’s throat (which no one likes, Arab or otherwise) try suggesting a documentary for family movie night like Forks Over Knives or Vegucated. Post an article on the link between vegetarian diets and chronic disease on your mom or dad’s Facebook wall (we all know how much Arab parents love Facebook), or try sending a vegan meme or comic to your family WhatsApp group. It’s all in the delivery, and you may be surprised at how open and willing your family and friends will be to learning more about your choices and the reasons behind them.
3. Learn to cook your own food
Let’s be honest – if you’re going to hurt your mother’s feelings by turning down her infamous home cooked meals, she probably isn’t going to take too kindly to being treated like a short-order cook. If you’re truly committed to a vegan lifestyle, you need to learn to be independent and make your own meals, particularly when it comes to communal mealtimes. Not only will this demonstrate your resolve to sticking to a vegan lifestyle, it also allows you to participate in important rituals like a weekly lunch/dinner or family iftars in Ramadan without being singled out.
Cooking for others is also a great way to communicate how exciting, delicious and satisfying a vegan diet can be. If you’re making something for yourself, always cook up a little extra and encourage people to try some if they express interest. If you’re not one for the kitchen, crack open a cookbook or search online for vegan versions of recipes you think your family might enjoy and bring it to your next gathering. Pro tip: baked goods like brownies, chocolate chip cookies and muffins are always winners. I’ve long been a fan of using food as activism and for good reason – once people see for themselves how simple and tasty vegan food can be, it becomes a lot more accessible and approachable, even just as a concept for them to wrap their heads around.
4. Demonstrate acceptance and respect
This one sounds like a no brainer, but it’s pretty important in my mind. When you make any big lifestyle change, you’re silently asking and expecting those around you to both accept and respect your choices, and in turn you owe them the same courtesy. That means not wrinkling your nose at the meat on the table, or complaining about the smell of fish in the kitchen. Hold off on the passive aggressive comments about what someone else is eating, no matter how strong your opinions on the topic may be. The approach I’ve adopted is that I choose to be vegan because its what works for my body and personal tastes and is the lifestyle that best fits my morals and personal ethics. I acknowledge that it isn’t for everyone and don’t try to impose my view on others, nor do I judge those who aren’t vegan or vegetarian for their choices. I don’t readily volunteer my veganism, especially when meeting new people because often times its not even relevant to the conversation at hand, but I’m more than happy to answer questions and discuss my reasons for being vegan, when prompted.
5. Give it time
Again, I know this sounds fairly “on-the-nose”, but patience is really key. While your family may react negatively at first, bear in mind that your proposed lifestyle choice probably goes against everything they have ever known about food. In societies like ours, food is so much more than just sustenance. Food is the way we communicate our culture, heritage and background – by just a few simple spices you can identify a dish as being from another region of a specific country. Food is at the core of our meeting times as a family – it’s there when we celebrate, and it’s there when we mourn. Food is also so closely tied to religious rituals – Ramadan, Eid Al Fitr, Eid Al Adha – each of these occasions have traditional dishes associated with them that can usher in a whole slew of emotions and memories.
The point is, try to put yourself in their shoes, and understand that a radical change like this won’t be accepted overnight. It’s important to stay positive, respectful and most importantly to hold your ground and stick to your guns when it comes to your lifestyle choice. With time, your family will grow to accept your choices, even if they don’t completely understand or agree with your reasoning. Your veganism will become the new normal, and you may even find them flying your flag for you by ensuring there’s something for you to eat at the table, or alerting extended family members that you won’t be eating the macaroni béchamel during Eid lunch at their house.
How do you deal with your family when it comes to your own lifestyle choices?
Until next time, dear readers.
mariam says
THANK YOU! I was just having a discussion with mum who said I should advocate for human rights first before advocating for animal rights. I’ve only been vegan for 3 weeks and I’m 16 years old who hasn’t done her proper research on veganism yet, so I didn’t know what to tell her. An hour ago my dad was shocked when he knew honey isn’t vegan; his face was rather priceless actually.
Harshitha says
Tell your mum that all oppression starts with the belief that one life matters more than the other. Women were oppressed because they were looked at as an inferior sex. Blacks were oppressed because they were looked at as an inferior race. Now animals are oppressed because they are looked at as an inferior species. When somebody starts to realise that even animals who don’t look or communicate like we do are just like us, oppression against humans will be no question. The logic here is, if you can feel for someone who isn’t your kind it’s easy to feel for someone of your kind. I get that this comment is 5 years old. You’re probably 21 years old now and things might have been better but just in case… I so appreciate you trying to speak for the animals at that tender age.
Rok Hamze says
This is something I’ve had to deal with a lot since becoming vegetarian. I don’t know that having your Arab family members watch a documentary is going to help much, unless you show them how dirty the farm factories usually are. It’s nice to know there are others out there thinking of solutions to Arab family dinner conversations!
NT says
One tip that’s worked for me (my family is already all vegetarian, but with in-laws and in other close relations), we always get invited to meals because it’s the biggest way people show their affection, and most often everyone who invites me wants to make my favourite foods… so I always name all vegan dishes as my favourite (that’s a no-brainer since I’m vegan) and depending on the relative who’s invited me, make it personal by saying, “Oh, I love it when you prepare this (vegan) dish because your spice combo is perfect for me” or whatever, and it’s mutual feel-good all around. And it’s a little reminder that no-meat dishes can be sublime tasting too…
Audrey Gallas says
Excellent post and advice. Although I am not Arab, I do live in a culture that is counter to veganism, and this advice is sound. I especially love that you take an approach that is not in-your-face but still ‘stick to your guns’. As a new vegan, this is what I have been searching for, thank you!
Nikolas says
I remember back in May this year, I read this article and thought this would be impossible for me. It’s now almost December, and I have been vegan since June. My family struggled with it at first, but they soon embraced it and even started using it as conversation topics when spending time with others (you know how much Arab parents love to mention things nobody really needs to know hahaha). My little brother really wants to go vegan, but is trying out vegetarianism first, and my father became very motivated about decreasing meat intake to only a fish a week. My mother, who is a huge meat lover, is a little annoyed that the family likes meat less now, but she still supports my choices (she acknowledges how healthy I’ve become as a vegan) and always tries to transform non-vegan Arab dishes to vegan ones.
All in all, I just want to thank you. You made me realize that being Arab didn’t mean I couldn’t do this, and gave me the bravery to take this step. Thank you, stay awesome and keep making your delicious recipes!
Archy says
I am Indian who lived in the Middle East for a long time as a vegetarian. I recently turned vegan after I moved to the US. At been easier here than in the gulf. In the gulf the vegetarians are the Indians/ a few Hindus. It was always hard explaining to my well meaning Arab friends that vegetarian is normal to me and my family for several generations and we did fine and actually thrived culturally and intellectually. But the “where do you get your proteins” has always been a big conversation at every meal. People actually told me how I have missed important things in my life by not eating meat. Vegan is another extreme. I donot think Arab culture is ready yet. But kindness is part of the culture in so many ways. If you can convince your family that you just want kindness and peace across the world and that it is an intelligent choice for environment and our own health, they should be able to understand although they would say “miskeen” poor you you are missing so much. Haha.